Are you cheating?

io9 has a somewhat tongue-in-cheek quiz that tries to get at whether a person's online activities count as cheating here. Besides wanting to know precisely how a dolphin and a squid would do the nasty, I'd suggest a few additional questions.

1. Would you rather log on and see your online sweetie than interact with people you know in real life, up to and including your real life sweetie?

2. Do you feel sad if your online squeeze isn't logged on when you expected to see him or her? Do you feel a special lift when you see that they are there?

3. Have you exchanged email addresses with someone you know online? Do you exchange email with them? Do you open your email hoping to see something in your In Box from that special someone? Do you write them tender messages about seafood?

4. Do you ever think about dolphins and squids (or online avatars) bumping naughty bits while you're bumping actual bits? Do you ever think about how you would describe some of your real life sexual experiences in text?

5. Does your real life sweetie know about your online sweetie? Does your real life sweetie know how far you go with your online sweetie?

In my opinion, the quiz doesn't get at the real meaning of cheating. Some people see cheating as a physical act, and if that's your definition, well, virtual sex is certainly analogous. There is another person involved, which takes it beyond the realm of porn and masturbation.

In my mind, the most significant aspect of cheating is emotional. Maybe a relationship will break up over one partner having sex with someone else, wherever that sex takes place. But so often, that sort of straying gets forgiven and forgotten and trust can be rebuilt. I think the most devastating type of cheating is emotional. If your partner loves someone else, whether or not they still love you, well, that really can hurt. And that's the real threat to your real life relationship.